Assertive Communication: How to Stop Over-Explaining and Start Speaking with Confidence 

Over 71% of professionals say meetings are unproductive, often because people talk too much without getting to the point. In today’s workplace, mastering assertive communication and knowing when to stop over-explaining can make all the difference. Clear, concise messages not only save time but also boost your credibility and influence. 

Here’s how you can stop over-explaining and sharpen your assertive communication skills. 

Master the Power Pause

When you’re nervous, your mouth often outruns your brain. The antidote? Breathe before you speak. It’s called a conversational breath, and it works wonders. 

Pro Tip: When someone asks a question, pause. Take a breath. Then respond. 

This small moment of control makes you appear thoughtful, not rattled. And it gives you time to choose your words  rather than regretting them later. It also allows the listener time to absorb and digest what you have just said. 

Upgrade Your Language for Confidence

What you say matters. But how you say it? That’s where confidence comes from. A quick swap makes all the difference: 

• Replace “I think” with “I’m confident that…” 

This shift doesn’t just sound stronger, it feels stronger. It helps train your brain to believe what you’re saying. 

Pro Tip: Watch how often you say “I’m just” or “I’ll try” in your language; it’s passive. 

Give Feedback Without Causing Friction

Providing feedback to someone more senior can be tricky. The secret? Shift the focus from the person to the issue. 

Instead of: “Your tone is harsh.” 

Try: “The language in the emails could come across as a bit sharp.” 

Pro Tip: Use “Yes, and…” instead of “But…” when building on someone’s idea. It keeps things constructive. 

Push Back Politely

You can disagree without derailing the relationship. Try these assertive, non-combative phrases: 

• “I see things differently.” 
• “That’s one way to look at it, can I offer another?”
• “My perspective is a bit different; can I share my thoughts on this?”

This isn’t about being a pushover or being aggressive, it’s simply about being clear, calm, and constructive. 

Practise One Thing at a Time

Don’t try to overhaul your whole communication style overnight. Pick one tip from this list and focus on it this week. Write it down. Stick it on your screen. Better still, tell a friend or colleague and get them to hold you to it. 

Assertive communication is a skill and like any skill, it gets better with repetition, not perfection. 

Quick Wins: Everyday Communication Tips 

Need to brush up on how you show up in different parts of your life? Try these: 

Better Co-Worker? 

• Ask one more question before sharing your own view. Let others feel heard. 

Better Partner? 

• Explain your intent when things go sideways. “That wasn’t what I meant. What I was trying to say was…” 

Better Parent? 

• Say what you mean and stop. Over-explaining can confuse both you and your child. 

Assertive communication isn’t about dominating the conversation. It’s about having the confidence to pause, speak clearly, and hold your space, without over-explaining, defending yourself or second-guessing yourself. 

As communication expert Jefferson Craft says: 

“You can change everything about your life simply by what you decide to say next.” 

Now that’s worth thinking about. 

Do 

• Keep your message clear and to the point 
• Use “I” statements to own your thoughts and feelings 
• Practice pausing before you explain further 
• Stay calm and confident in your tone 
• Set boundaries by saying what you mean without over-justifying 

Don’t 

• Over-explain or justify your decisions unnecessarily 
• Apologise for expressing your needs or opinions 
• Use vague language that weakens your message 
• Let anxiety push you into rambling or repeating yourself 
• Allow others to derail your point with interruptions or distractions