Delivering Tough Messages with Confidence, Compassion, and Curiosity
Delivering bad news is never easy. Yet, it’s one of the most vital skills a leader, manager, or business owner can master. What are the strategies for communicating difficult messages without damaging relationships? The “yuck sandwich” may not be the solution you think it is.
Maintaining Relationships While Delivering Difficult Messages
From my experience as a mediator, I’ve seen firsthand how poorly delivered feedback can escalate conflict. Sometimes, people simply don’t want to hear the truth, especially if it challenges their own behaviour. A leader might try to deliver news, only for it to backfire and create tension instead of resolution. The key, time and again, is curiosity and active listening.
Curiosity allows us to step back and explore perspectives beyond our own. Rather than asserting, “This is the problem,” ask: “Can you help me understand what’s happening here?” This shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration, creating space for understanding and growth.
Avoiding Overextension
Stress can transform our strengths into liabilities, it’s a concept that Ceclia Yeung often refers to as overextension (Lumina Spark). For instance, a strong listener may become frozen under pressure, unable to truly hear the other person. Simple grounding techniques, taking a deep breath, pausing, and staying centred, can help us regulate our reactions, even in high-stakes conversations.
As Viktor Frankl famously said:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. And in that choice lies our greatest growth.”
Recognising that choice gives us control, even in tense moments.
The Yuck Sandwich: Yay or Nay?
The “yuck sandwich” (positive feedback → negative feedback → positive feedback) is a classic tool, but in practice, it often falls short. People frequently focus only on the positive, missing the constructive points entirely. Worse, the praise can feel contrived, undermining authenticity.
In our view, separate praise from constructive feedback. Be specific with your compliments. Address issues directly, factually, and with clear expectations. If circumstances force you to communicate via email, the yuck sandwich can provide structure, but in face-to-face conversations, dialogue and curiosity are far more effective.
Active Listening as the Core Skill
Whether delivering feedback, mediating conflict, or managing stress, active listening remains the basis of effective communication. It’s not just hearing words, it’s observing body language, paraphrasing, and asking questions that reveal the deeper story. Active listening helps us see perspectives we might otherwise miss, reduces defensiveness, and builds trust.
Even in heated or combative situations, staying curious, grounded, and empathetic allows relationships to be maintained. You don’t have to take attacks personally; instead, focus on the facts, stay present, and remember that your intention matters more than the moment’s emotion.
Finding Joy in Strengths
Finally, remember that leveraging your strengths and behavioural design in communication can make challenging conversations feel natural rather than draining. When you operate from your strengths, you conserve energy, connect more authentically, and help others feel valued, even when the message is tough.
Delivering bad news is an art, however, with curiosity, grounding, and active listening, it’s a skill anyone can master.
If you’d like to develop your own style that works for you in delivering tough messages courageously, then reach out.
Check out our upcoming free MASTERCLASSES that focus on how to Feel Good at Work, how to work Better Together, Talk Smart (communication techniques), Mission Control (leadership techniques), Essential Human Skills, and how to Tame Your Time.
If you want to improve your behavioural skills and master the human side of work, book your free strategy session here.
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