3 Secrets of Resilient People: What Can We Learn from Lucy Hone’s Story? 

Resilience is something you build, it’s not necessarily something you’re born with. In her TED Talk “3 Secrets of Resilient People,” Dr Lucy Hone shares deeply personal lessons on how to survive the unimaginable and find hope again. Here’s how her story can help you rethink what it means to bounce back. 

What is resilience, and why does it matter? 

Resilience is the ability to adapt and recover when life hits hard. 

It’s not about avoiding pain but learning to think and act in ways that help you navigate it. Research shows resilience can be learned, it’s built through habits, mindset, and deliberate choices. 

Key insights: 

• Everyone faces adversity,  it doesn’t discriminate. 
• Resilience isn’t a fixed trait; it’s a practice. 
• You can train your brain to respond rather than react. 

Why do resilient people accept that “shit happens”? 

Because they understand that suffering is part of being human. 
Accepting hardship doesn’t mean liking it,  it means recognising that no one is immune. This mindset helps prevent self-pity and empowers you to take the next step forward. 

Practical takeaways: 

• Don’t ask “Why me?”.  Instead, ask “Why not me?” 
• Accept that perfection is an illusion , life includes pain and joy. 
• Acknowledging reality frees energy to respond constructively. 

How do resilient people manage their attention? 

They consciously choose where to focus their mental energy. 
Our brains naturally fixate on threats (a leftover survival instinct.) Resilient people learn to balance this bias by also “hunting the good things.” 

How to train your attention: 

• Identify what’s in your control, and let go of what isn’t. 
• Practise benefit finding, looking for small positives amid difficulty. 
• Use gratitude rituals (e.g., write down three good things each day). 
• Surround yourself with reminders to “accept the good.” 

Science supports this: 
In a 2005 study by Martin Seligman, people who listed three positive things daily experienced greater happiness and less depression over six months. 

How can one simple question build resilience? 

Ask yourself: “Is what I’m doing helping or harming me?”
This powerful question brings awareness and self-control in moments of distress. It helps redirect your choices — from doom-scrolling to rest, from resentment to release. 

Ways to use this question: 

• Before reacting emotionally — pause and check: helping or harming? 
• When making decisions — does this move you closer to healing or away from it? 
• Apply it to habits — food, alcohol, social media, relationships, even self-talk. 

Example:
Lucy chose not to attend the driver’s trial after her daughter’s death, not from avoidance, but because she knew it would harm, not help, her healing. 

Can anyone learn to be resilient? 

Yes — resilience is built through ordinary choices, not extraordinary strength.
It’s about small, consistent actions that help you live and grieve at the same time. These strategies don’t erase pain, but they make recovery possible. 

To remember: 

• Accept that adversity is inevitable. 
• Direct your attention deliberately. 
• Ask if your actions are helping or harming. 

Each step gives you back a sense of control, and that’s where healing begins. 

Lucy Hone reminds us that even in the darkest moments, we have help. Resilience is not about being unbreakable it’s about learning to rebuild, one choice at a time. 

“It is possible to live and grieve at the same time.” — Lucy Hone